I can Belong

Happy New Year!!

Welcome to 2017!  I hope you had a great evening celebrating the last day of 2016 and that you are all ready to tackle the New Year.

My 2017 theme

I am not one to do New Year’s Resolutions as I know I can’t keep them.  What I have been doing for the last few years is pick a theme.  If you noticed the banner on this website, my 2017 theme is I CAN.

In my last post back in October I talked about my mental health issues (anxiety) and I have been working on that and myself since then. I am pleased to say that thanks to a low dose of medications and therapy, I am feeling much better. At the same time, I am saddened when I think about how much I have missed out on in the last decade due to the un-diagnosed health problem.

A new year in the making

Today, my hubby took us on a ride in the field behind our house.  He was on Little Blue pulling the trailer with Little N, our 2 dogs and I while the 2 oldest were on sleighs behind us. It was a great day to be outside as it wasn’t to cold nor to windy and the sun was shining.  As we were driving along, I was mesmerized by the beauty around me: the twinkling snow, the shining sun, the beautiful valley, everything was just so beautiful. And then it hit me: This is my home! This is my place.

I mean, we have been here for what… 12 almost 13 years… and it’s been ours since 2007, but I just never believed it or really thought about it.  But today, as I was thinking about the new year and my theme and seeing all this beauty around me that thought just wormed its way into my head. I Belong here! This is MY place.

be·long (bəˈlôNG/)

1. (of a thing) be rightly placed in a specified position.
2. (of a person) fit in a specified place or environment.

I fit into this environment, this is my place, my life is rightly placed in this specific location, this is where I should be.

It is hard to explain how I feel.  We had a great evening last night with friends and their kids.  This was the first time that we had people over in a long time for a supper/evening. For me dealing with anxiety, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and just avoid inviting people to avoid the anxiety.  I was dreading the evening a bit, not due to the people coming (as they are great friends to us) but my expectations of what I think should be done before to make it a great evening (you know, the cleaning, the meal, the kids, the presentation of it all).  And that is just it:  My expectations of what I think needs to be in order for it to be a successful evening. But I managed to let go, enjoy the process, get it all done without panic, and then, to simply ENJOY the evening.  It was a successful evening, but not because the house was clean, or because of the meal or the kids or the decorations, it was because we laughed, had fun, talked, played games and rung in the New Year with friends. I belonged in that moment. 🙂

And so I woke up this morning and I felt great! I was thrilled to have this new year and all it’s possibilities. I was happy to have a great husband. I was happy to have my 3 year old greet me, to hear my 5 and 9 year old playing. And then we went for that ride and that feeling from last night came back: I CAN BELONG!

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